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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Dear Weary Mom

Dear Weary Mom,

Do you ever get tired of hearing about how perfect everyone else's life is? How well behaved and amazing their kids are? How supportive their parents and siblings are? How happy their marriage is? Well, I do! I admit that easily, all you perfect and happy people annoy me! My life is not perfect. In fact, there have been more days than not in recent times when I am in shambles, I am hopeless and ready to call it quits. I fantasize about just picking up the pieces of me that are scattered all over my messy life and walking away to find a fresh start in a place where no one knows my name or cares.

There are so many days in this life that I feel neglected, uncared for, and unimportant. Days that I feel like I may never get my groove back, and in all honesty I don't even know if I want my groove back. Days that I want to just quit. Give up. Move on to a new adventure. Or maybe even skip the adventure and just find contentment in being me.

I love my son more than anything, when I daydream about quitting everything and moving on to try life from another latitude, know he is always with me. My son is the part of me that always remains in place when all my other pieces are scattered about. Now, I admit my undying and unwavering admiration and affection for this kid, and sure I think he is amazing, but in reality he can be a brat! He doesn't always listen, he is going through a hitting phase and he wears me out. But I love him and wouldn't change him even if I could.

My parents are not overly supportive, or unsupportive really. They are just... disinterested I guess. My siblings? We try, but we all live away from each other and if it weren't for facebook we probably wouldn't ever talk to each other. My in laws... a nightmare not worth talking about.

My marriage is not perfect, in fact it is as far from perfect as possible. It has been getting to the point of downright dysfunction and at times I am ready to give up. Things started going downhill as soon as I began to feel and look pregnant. My husband doesn't seem to appreciate that I am growing a life inside of me and I feel like at times he resents my body changes and medical complications. Sometimes I have to remind him that he is not taking care of me and my needs, which makes me feel frustrated. I am grateful that he will listen and consider what I have said. He might not jump to change his behavior, but within a day or so he will have come around and do the little things that I want him to do, like holding my hand or rubbing my feet. When I am brutally honest, I hate that I have to tell him how to treat me at this time in my life. I hate that he treats me like I have changed somehow because I am pregnant. It makes me feel like when I have the baby life will be normal for him, but what about me and my feelings?

Days like today, I feel empty and discouraged. Do you ever feel like that?

Despite the grim outlook I have adopted in the past few months, I find hope hidden somewhere deep inside of me. I have hope that no matter what happens life isn't over for me. There are always going to be new opportunities for change, growth and happiness. I have hope that I can do this, I can see it through and I will only be stronger next week, month, year.

Dear Weary Mom, sometimes life hands you broken dreams, lemons and messes. It is how we handle these situations that makes us better people because of them. I am trying to remind myself that yes, things seem bad now... but there is always tomorrow, eventually it will get better and things will change again.

So, my life is not perfect. I am not the greatest mom or wife, or relative. I am not a great friend all the time. I am jealous and resentful of the perfect image others portray... But at least I can admit that.




11 comments:

  1. I love this series. I hope everything gets better for you soon. Just remember you can only so much and you are doing the best that you can do. It is easy to look at other people and think they have a perfect marriage/life but they don't no one has everything perfect.

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  2. I appreciate your honesty. I pray that life will have wondrous surprises in store for you. I totally agree with April. No one has everything perfect. There is a Chinese idiom that literally goes like this "Nice to look at but not nice to eat" meaning that some things in life are only perfect in appearance but not in reality.
    Just hang in there!

    Sending you lots of hugs!!

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  3. It was refreshing to read about someone feeling the same as I. Thank you.

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  4. I would say it does get better.

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  5. Who ever says their life is perfect is full of it!!!! Take your time, be patient and keep your hope alive!!!
    I am a mother of 3, now, preteens who drive me absolutely insane every day and they know it. The only thing that keeps me sane is the small moments when they make me crack up with something silly they do or say.
    My family is the same way. They are unsupportive, at every turn they are cutting me down for one thing or another. My best friend is the one who helps me keep my sanity on that front.
    HA my husband is even worse :( he is very lazy. He has not worked in almost a year even though I make $9 an hour as a permanent temp and barely making ends meet. Heck I had to take money out of the rent just to buy my kids shoes. He does not clean the house, rarely cooks and its even more rare for him to do laundry. All he does is sit in front of his computer all day and play games.
    I feel your pain more than you know! So keep your head up and every time you think of quiting remember it can only get better!!!!!!!!!!

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  6. Went through the same thing with my husband when i was pregnant, men just don't get it. But life is what you make of it. You can be miserable with what you have or you can be determined to enjoy and make the most of the situation, and if you can't change it either way then I'd rather be happy in it then not. Tamra. childers

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  7. All who are weary can call on the name of Christ and he will bear the burden. That is my advice always to weary moms, including myself.

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  8. I neither have the perfect life or perfect marriage actually after ten years of marriage I moved out with our 4 daughters couldn't take the abuse anymore. I was so stressed out that it had been affecting my parenting I understand exactly where your coming from. Its hard as a single mom working and taking care of the kids but at least I'm happy now. Sometimes you just need to find a babysitter or family member to watch the kids and just have a day to yourself. It really seems to help when everything seems to be pulling you down.

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  9. I know exactly how you feel. Be it taking care of a child or children as a mom, and taking care of elderly parents. We get so weary and want to quit. I know that I want to run away from it all! But is the grass greener on the other side of the fence. What I would say is that we need to try to find a day for ourselves so we can get some rest from all the hectic days that we have. I pray that you can take a day off for yourself.

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  10. I know how that feels and you are right, life isn't over no matter how bad it seems. For me life has a lot of highs and lows, with the lows lasting seemingly forever and the highs are way too brief! But every morning you wake up and it's a new day, a new chance to change the things you can change or live with with them in a new peace

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Thanks for leaving me a comment sweet stuff! I am always glad to hear from you!