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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Dear Weary Mom

Dear Weary Mom,

Do you ever yell at your kids? Or your husband? Or your friends, neighbors, co workers, or assorted relatives? I do. I hate that I stoop to that level sometimes and I always feel such guilt after I have yelled.

I yelled at my son today for being a kid.... in all fairness, he was being a kid who wouldn't listen and he was doing something dangerous, but still, yelling at him didn't make the situation better and it didn't make me feel better right away.

Roo can read between the lines at the age of 3. He is growing to be a bright boy. Anyhow, a source of irritation and or annoyance in my marriage is that I have not been able to attend classes for about a year now. I desperately want my degree! But, my husband is able to attend classes at Ohio State. This makes me feel... a little jealous at times.

My husband doesn't seem to appreciate the opportunity he has in going to such a great school. He doesn't understand how many people would jump through burning rings of fire to have that chance. When he starts complaining about his situation of going to college, I naturally get very put out.

Today he was complaining about one of his classes and how he isn't understanding the work, instead of trying to find a solution he starts talking about how can he get out of the class at this point. I remained calm and said nothing until my mind was as calm as my exterior, but my son caught on that this is going to make Mom grumpy, it always does.

After I had considered how I would say what I wanted to say (Which was- "Instead of complaining and justifying failure, why are you not going to tutoring once a week? If you are spending the time here trying to do the work and not getting it done, wouldn't it make sense to go to the Student Center and get help with the work so that you are learning how to do it right?") I approached my husband about it. Before I could turn around from saying my peace, my son was on the dining room table. This scares me! He wants to leap off of the table into my arms but I am a) not as fast on my feet as I once was being so pregnant and b) I can't be catching him like this! What if I miss and he gets hurt?!

I told him "No, honey get down! We don't stand on the table, we don't jump off the table!" I helped him get down. I stepped away to let the dog inside and within a matter of seconds he climbed up on a chair and was back on the table. Repeat the nagging about getting down. I help him down again and he climbs right back up. This went on for about 5 minutes. I laid the chairs on their sides on the floor to keep him from climbing up... he proceeded to drag a chair over and start to climb again. As he is back up on the table I just lost my cool. I yelled at him. It didn't do any good of course.

I was feeling frustrated at that point, so I also yelled at my husband for never being around to help out.

Then I yelled at the cat, who has made it his mission to remain under my feet at all times. I am always tripping over him.

Before I could even get the words out of my mouth with the cat, my son was back into trouble, looking to get me to yell again. I finally had to step away and go outside to take a deep breath. I felt out of control of my home and my family.

I swear sometimes I have better luck talking to the Chia Pet!

Do you ever feel like that? Do you yell and then feel bad? Do you feel like no one is listening, and if they are they don't care what you have said?

Sometimes it seems as if we are doomed. If we don't yell at our family, they could get hurt. It is not like we enjoy yelling and sounding like insane people (Seriously some of the things a Mom has to yell about are flat out crazy!) But if we remain silent who knows what could happen to those we love. We have to be the voice of reason, the warning sign, the police in a sense. It is not a fun job to have!

While I was outside taking my moment to breathe, I started to feel terrible. I leaned on the railing of the deck and sobbed. I thought... "My son can't feel loved when I am yelling at him like that."

Then I walked back inside the house to find he is on the table AGAIN! With a huge goofy grin. It hit me then that being a parent is kind of like... insanity! We do the same things over and over again, expecting better results, but we never get them, so we resort to yelling. But, I realized something important, I might be yelling out of frustration at times, but behind that frustration is love. I love my family enough to yell at them, to keep them safe, to tell them I expect better, to try to get through to them on some level that talking in a normal voice doesn't.

So if you are a mom that yells, Dear Weary Mom, don't be too hard on yourself. You love your family enough to care, to show emotion, to speak up loudly when you need to. Your kids will be okay, assuming you aren't going ballistic day in and day out at the drop of a hat. They would be worse off if you became so indifferent that you didn't care enough to raise your voice every now and then.



23 comments:

  1. We all have those days that we lose our patience with everyone, I am sure it is normal. Our family knows that we love them and want the best for them even if we do yell every now and then.
    twinkle at optonline dot net

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  2. I get the same way at times and feel just as badly as you do. I sat in my bathroom when everyone went to bed one night and just bawled asking what am I doing so wrong? But when I see my kids cry for me because I walk out of a room or when my oldest is told at school to draw a picture of someone you love and he chooses me, I can't help but think maybe I did something right, just maybe. You'll be okay mom. Amidst it all, they know that we love them and if we didn't beat ourselves up, then we should be worried about ourselves.

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  3. Yes, I have been known to yell at those I love, mostly out of frustration, or because they've done something that could have hurt them, bad. We are pretty much all guilty of doing that now and again, and feeling bad about it afterwords.

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  4. I agree, being a parent IS kind of like insanity! Have been known to say,"I'm losing my sanity slowly! lol" I have days where I just want to send my kids to school instead of homeschooling. I find myself becoming jealous of all the free time, and hobbies other friends of mine are able to enjoy while their kids are gone for hours during the day, when I am lucky if I get an hour to myself all week. Some days, us Moms, are just tired, and grouchy. Don't be hard on yourself, we all feel that way at times. Doesn't mean we are giving up, it just means we are human. Sending you hugs & just know we all have days that we yell, but the hugs, kisses, smiles, and good times do make it all better. =)

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  5. I know exactly how you feel. I always feel so guilty after I yell at the kids. I get tired and exhausted and can get easily aggitated. I do apologize sometimes. I love this series it is very relatable

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  6. OH how I wish I were the "perfect Mom" but so very VERY often fall short - thanks for sharing and letting the rest of us know how human and imperfect we are and that we (meaning ME) are not alone! LOL

    thanks for Cohosting the Mommy Moments Mondays hop!

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  7. I am so glad to read this- just what I needed. I have 3 1/2 year old twin boys who literally swing from the chandeliers! After I am done yelling, they look right at me, smiling, doing it again! Insanity is a good word, but like you, I think sharing with other moms makes it go a bit easier...sharing the load. I am glad to find your blog and will be happy to hear you vent again if needed!

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  8. Oh how I can relate.

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  9. Thank you for that! I hate that I sometimes yell but like you said, it comes from a place of love.

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  10. I have had that day today. It's me against three kids from the time they woke up today to the time they go to bed. I try to keep the house cleaned, everyone feed, and do my work. I felt hopeless a couple times today. I agree I hate yelling and feel bad. Sometimes I think I do it all to much!

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  11. i feel the same way when i yelled at my daughter
    -Stephanie J

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  12. I can relate to you about getting frustrated and yelling. I have yelled and sometimes I am not ashamed because I feel that I am being pushed to the boiling point. But, I do not think it is right for me to yell, and I apologize. It is a good idea to take a time out and go someplace else for awhile if you can. We all need time for ourselves! Life can be hard!! But, I would cut yourself some slack, and know that we will fail and we are all human.

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  13. When this happens to me, I get that "am I laughing or am I crying?" thing going on--I'll start laughing at the absurdity, and then burst into tears. Thankfully my husband is understanding! I find it helpful to stop, even in the middle of a tense situation, and breathe and take stock of what is happening and what steps we need to take to fix it.

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  14. I've definitely had days like this so you just have to remember that it happens to all of us!

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  15. I think its more than normal--Not meaning to yell but the impatience and stress is always going to be there--not much help..Children can be such stinkers, always trying to push someones buttons, but thats how they learn. I hate corpral punishment but sometimes after saying something over, and over , and over again-- a good swat to the butt to bounce the brain back into the head and clear the ears for listening does help/ Hang in there Mommy its going get better.

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  16. I try and Do the best that I can and if I find myself yelling, I try to stop!

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  17. It takes a lot for me to yell. Generally I yell when I'm scared. When someone is doing something I think is dangerous and needs to stop IMMEDIATELY! I really dislike it. It stinks, and I feel bad after the fact. I have had to apologize in the past for my intense reaction, but it gives us a chance to show we are human. Sorry I yelled. I was just very scared for your safety when you were trying to climb over the railing of the stairs...

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  18. I have been at the point of yelling more times than I can count. Parenting is not easy, moms have a lot of demands on them and even the most patient mom can lose it.

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  19. although I am not a mom, hang in there! JOSEPH GERSCH

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  20. We all have days like that, some more than others I think. It's perfectly normal.

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  21. I have been grouchy today, and everything has been annoying me for really no reason. Thinking I am just tired. We all have these types of days, but the best part is you realized you needed a break and took one by stepping away. I agree with people above.... it is perfectly normal.

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  22. enjoy your kids everyday.. small kids small problems.. big kids big problems.. and they will be big fast.. justina justice

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Thanks for leaving me a comment sweet stuff! I am always glad to hear from you!