Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Dear Weary Mom
Dear Weary Mom,
I am so tired of being pregnant right now. I am counting down the days and relieved to see that I am almost done. I can't get comfortable. When I sleep my hips, lower back and legs ache. I wake up sore and barely able to stand up. If I sit the same thing happens. When I stand my feet swell. My clothes barely fit. I can't give my son the attention he needs because I am so big, so tired and he is so busy. I feel like a beachball with limbs.
I am exhausted all the time again. I catch myself nodding off anytime I do sit down, I require a nap shortly after waking because I don't sleep well at night. There is always housework to do that I am just not up for. I feel like crying at the thought of all that I should do, want to do, need to do.
Then there is the work I get paid for. I am trying to catch up but have been falling behind. I wish I could take a few weeks off but if I do, I lose my clients. Most of them are so sweet and understanding that I am ready to have this baby and that I am working as far ahead as I can, but then there are a few that are not sweet, not understanding. They don't care. They expect me to devote my life to them. I would love to quit working for them but I have a growing family and babies are expensive! I know that while the work is a pain I need the money too much to consider quitting with the holidays coming and a family to contribute to.
It all adds up to be a lot to deal with at times. It feels overwhelming. I keep reminding myself if I can make it another 9 days my daughter will be here, I will not be exhausted from pregnancy, just less sleep associated with caring for 2 children compared to 1. It will be worth it soon! Life will start to take on a new feeling of normal.
I have my worries about having this baby, which I know is normal. But at this point my worries are insignificant. I know she will be a great addition to our family. Rolf will love her, Adam will love her, and I already love her. I do worry about things though, like the time a new baby requires and my son feeling overshadowed by her and vice versa as Rolfie is time consuming too.
Dear Weary Mom, how do you manage it all with several kids and work to do? Do you ever have time for you? Do you ever feel exhausted and ran down? Do you feel plagued by guilt for feeling so tired?
I feel guilty for wishing these days away and counting them down like this. I know, it is just a few days at this point, but I have been doing this for months now. Counting down days and each one that passes is a victory.
Aren't the days of our lives to be cherished and savored? I can't wait to be able to savor the days again. To be able to rest, to be able to play freely with my son. To be able to sleep on my belly again.
Well, I am human. I err. I am flawed... I know someday I will look back on these days and wish I had held on to them like a treasure instead of wishing them to pass and counting them down. I guess it will be easier to feel that way once my daughter is here and in the flesh and not sharing my body with me.