Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Dear Weary Mom
Dear Weary Mom,
Do you catch yourself wishing the days away? I have been guilty of doing that for quite sometime now. I find myself wishing it were 4 pm and my husband would come home and help out because I am tired, or wishing it were the weekend, then wishing for Monday so I can rest. Wishing for summer to come, then wishing for summer to end... mostly I have been wishing for October so I can have this baby already.
In my endless wishing, I find myself thinking about things I miss doing and want to do once I have this baby. I want a margarita, even though I hadn't drank any alcohol in months of getting pregnant. I honestly cleaned out the fridge and found a bottle of Margarita mix that had expired in November of 2012... I wish I could sleep on my belly, I wish I could pick my son up and hold him without it being awkward or painful. I wish I could lie on the floor on my belly and play cars or color with him. I wish I could sleep without waking up every 2 hours in misery from sleeping on my side. I wish my hips didn't hurt. I wish I could nap. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Tonight as I tucked Roo into bed and we lay there talking I realized that I have wished a good deal of time away. A wave of regret washed over me. I lay there listening to the sweet voice of my 3 year old. I felt his little warm body nestled against mine and it dawned on me, so many days I have not been aware of what great things are happening, so many days I have missed out on truly enjoying life because I have been too busy wishing for the days to come.
I felt my eyes well up with tears, I felt my heartbreak a little. In the past 7 months or so I have wished time away. Time I will never get back. Time that was precious. My son will never be 2 again, but I spent the last months of him being 2 wishing for time to pass. He will never turn 3 again, I spent the first months of his 3 year old life wishing for time to pass.
I barely recall my anniversary this year. I was too busy wishing for fall to come to notice the day. I will never get another 4 year anniversary, the summer was a blur as I was too busy... wishing for another season.
I regret this wishing so much now that I am aware of just how bad I have been!
I vow to make the most of each day, to slow down and enjoy these moments before they pass and become a memory.
Dear Weary Mom, it is easy to spend your days wishing, wishing for a break, the week end, material things, alone time, a clean home... so many things! It is easy to forget to stop wishing for a moment and see just how good life is at this moment in time. It is easy to get wrapped up in self pity or our own desires. I know I have spent months in that situation of being completely wrapped up in my wishes, when really I should have spent this time savoring the new life growing inside of me, the excuse to slow down and enjoy my son, to just be happy to be alive.
The next time you catch yourself wishing for the days to pass, remember that these are the days of your life. Days you will never get back. While good things are in store in the future, there are lots of good things happening right now! We just have to stop, breathe and be open to experiencing them.