My Dear Roo,
As the days crept closer I felt a chunk of my heart breaking. How could you be 5 years old? How could you get so big on me so fast? When I tucked you into bed for the last time as a 4 year old, I clung to you I begged "Roo, don't grow up too fast!" Tears welled in my eyes.
Sweet Roo jumped from bed and brought me a tee shirt. You wiped my face and said "Mommy, all clean! Now be happy!" I smiled and said "Oh, I am happy, but I am also missing you as a baby.." You stroked my cheek and said "I am a baby!"
Oh that boy, that boy...
We have had a lot of ups and downs in the past year or so. We have had power struggles, arguments, general pettiness that plagued us. But, no matter how ugly it got... he still stands by me. Loyal to me like no other.
Parenthood is hard work. Many days I lay my weary head on my pillow only to feel that I have failed. The guilt of how I damaged his sweet spirit by yelling at him, or expecting too much from a child. I stress about time, quality time, time in general, time wasted. I want these days to amount to something. I want you, Roo to remember me in good ways, not the ways I think of myself.
In order for that to happen I need to step up my game and be the best mother that I can be. No matter what is going on in my disaster of a life. You and Harper both deserve that.
Instead of just pointing out to you in all the ways I stink. Instead I want to share my favorite moments in the life of Roo as a 4 year old boy.
My Roo, My Goofball, My Blonde Child with Eyes So Beautiful...
Every morning that I woke up with you Roo, and you would kiss my face or say Good Morning Mommy! Was AWESOME.
I loved some of the little things we did together in the last year. Like visiting an indoor water park, exploring the Mansfield Reformatory together and branching out on our own, no fear-only insatiable curiosity!
I loved the secret lunch date I went on with you and Harper the day before school started. I felt like we needed a change of pace to end the summer on an awesome note.
I loved watching you learn to write and spell. I loved hearing you talk more and more! I loved watching your imagination and sense of humor peek through.
At bedtime, it is pretty common for you to tell me everyone is going to be a different animal, you are a turtle, I am a dolphin, one of the dogs is a crab. We laughed about that many nights.
I loved seeing you take an interest in crafting with me. We have had so many fun projects!
I loved hearing your speech develop into conversation.
I loved seeing your good nature develop. You are polite, sweet and well mannered. People always smile when you say "Good Morning!" despite the hour of the day.
With this birthday letter of how special you are to me, I make you a promise. The year you are 5 is going to be amazing. I set out with a goal to make this year great for you! One to remember forever. Filled with love, adventure and opportunities to grow and learn!
Happy Birthday my son, my baby.