Dear Weary Mom,
Do you ever yell at your kids? Or your husband? Or your friends, neighbors, co workers, or assorted relatives? I do. I hate that I stoop to that level sometimes and I always feel such guilt after I have yelled.
I yelled at my son today for being a kid.... in all fairness, he was being a kid who wouldn't listen and he was doing something dangerous, but still, yelling at him didn't make the situation better and it didn't make me feel better right away.
Roo can read between the lines at the age of 3. He is growing to be a bright boy. Anyhow, a source of irritation and or annoyance in my marriage is that I have not been able to attend classes for about a year now. I desperately want my degree! But, my husband is able to attend classes at Ohio State. This makes me feel... a little jealous at times.
My husband doesn't seem to appreciate the opportunity he has in going to such a great school. He doesn't understand how many people would jump through burning rings of fire to have that chance. When he starts complaining about his situation of going to college, I naturally get very put out.
Today he was complaining about one of his classes and how he isn't understanding the work, instead of trying to find a solution he starts talking about how can he get out of the class at this point. I remained calm and said nothing until my mind was as calm as my exterior, but my son caught on that this is going to make Mom grumpy, it always does.
After I had considered how I would say what I wanted to say (Which was- "Instead of complaining and justifying failure, why are you not going to tutoring once a week? If you are spending the time here trying to do the work and not getting it done, wouldn't it make sense to go to the Student Center and get help with the work so that you are learning how to do it right?") I approached my husband about it. Before I could turn around from saying my peace, my son was on the dining room table. This scares me! He wants to leap off of the table into my arms but I am a) not as fast on my feet as I once was being so pregnant and b) I can't be catching him like this! What if I miss and he gets hurt?!
I told him "No, honey get down! We don't stand on the table, we don't jump off the table!" I helped him get down. I stepped away to let the dog inside and within a matter of seconds he climbed up on a chair and was back on the table. Repeat the nagging about getting down. I help him down again and he climbs right back up. This went on for about 5 minutes. I laid the chairs on their sides on the floor to keep him from climbing up... he proceeded to drag a chair over and start to climb again. As he is back up on the table I just lost my cool. I yelled at him. It didn't do any good of course.
I was feeling frustrated at that point, so I also yelled at my husband for never being around to help out.
Then I yelled at the cat, who has made it his mission to remain under my feet at all times. I am always tripping over him.
Before I could even get the words out of my mouth with the cat, my son was back into trouble, looking to get me to yell again. I finally had to step away and go outside to take a deep breath. I felt out of control of my home and my family.
I swear sometimes I have better luck talking to the Chia Pet!
Do you ever feel like that? Do you yell and then feel bad? Do you feel like no one is listening, and if they are they don't care what you have said?
Sometimes it seems as if we are doomed. If we don't yell at our family, they could get hurt. It is not like we enjoy yelling and sounding like insane people (Seriously some of the things a Mom has to yell about are flat out crazy!) But if we remain silent who knows what could happen to those we love. We have to be the voice of reason, the warning sign, the police in a sense. It is not a fun job to have!
While I was outside taking my moment to breathe, I started to feel terrible. I leaned on the railing of the deck and sobbed. I thought... "My son can't feel loved when I am yelling at him like that."
Then I walked back inside the house to find he is on the table AGAIN! With a huge goofy grin. It hit me then that being a parent is kind of like... insanity! We do the same things over and over again, expecting better results, but we never get them, so we resort to yelling. But, I realized something important, I might be yelling out of frustration at times, but behind that frustration is love. I love my family enough to yell at them, to keep them safe, to tell them I expect better, to try to get through to them on some level that talking in a normal voice doesn't.
So if you are a mom that yells, Dear Weary Mom, don't be too hard on yourself. You love your family enough to care, to show emotion, to speak up loudly when you need to. Your kids will be okay, assuming you aren't going ballistic day in and day out at the drop of a hat. They would be worse off if you became so indifferent that you didn't care enough to raise your voice every now and then.
